Dreamer, Dreamer

Two years ago I felt God pulling on my heart. It was an ache, deeper than anything else I've ever known; a realization that God desired me. It was more than I could say no to. Not because I thought life would be easy if I said yes, nor because saying yes would make me better than everyone else. In fact, life only gets harder when you say yes, and I'm no better a person now than I was then. However, saying yes changed my life in ways I couldn't have imagined.

At the end of a letter I wrote to my loved ones confessing all I'd done, I said that I felt God calling me to something. Now, looking back on the last two years, I stand amazed (actually, it's so shocking that I have to sit). God told me He had more for me, and I had dreamed about becoming a writer, just like I've always wanted. Instead, God gently let me down, giving me a new purpose. A life of ministry is different than I'd expected, but it's God's plan for me, and I simply cannot believe it. A sinner like me? In ministry? 

It's true that God has a plan for us, but I'm convinced that He does more. God has a life beyond anything we can imagine, just waiting for us to say yes. He shows it little by little, step by step, and we sit in awe as each page unfolds. I'm sure that God dreams even bigger than we do! And while I enjoy and struggle and live, I will also wait for Him to turn the next page, knowing that the end of the story will find me home with my King.

Shine!

A few days ago I was standing in line at Walmart, buying food -- an invigorating experience that makes me feel both very grown-up and very poor. While I waited for the cashier to finish helping the person in front of me, I kept my attention on a magazine cover, eyes wide. Not because I was amazed at the celebrity on the front of the magazine, but because I wasn't actually looking at the tabloid; rather, I was staring into space, thinking about the light of Christ. As a fairly shy, reserved person, I tend to avoid eye contact with people except when necessary. This has been a normal habit for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, when people are walking towards me I try to look away as long as possible, only to smile and make sudden eye contact at the last second, to let them know that I do see them and recognize them as a fellow human being, and then I again avert my eyes to the ground.

Perhaps it's an American thing. We claim to enjoy our privacy, protecting it with all we have and we expect others to both respect that and to do the same. We put fences around our yards to ward strangers off, and post "No Soliciting" signs on our front doors in case some poor salesman happens to be brave enough to enter that barrier. We use caller ID and peepholes to screen calls and visitors. We put restraints on Church so that it can only include Sunday mornings where we can blend in quietly and the occasional surface-level Bible study where we do little to actually dig deeper. And we do everything we can to limit eye contact with other people. This is our way of life.

Yet, there I stood in the line at Walmart, wondering if people could tell I was different; if the light of Christ was so bright within me that just making eye contact with others would tell them how much I care for them -- how much God cares for them. I glanced at the cashier, her face lifeless as she scanned item after item. The customer waited anxiously, nearly frustrated. The cashier glanced at me, so I quickly sent my eyes back to the magazine and a flash of guilt fell to the pit of my stomach.

"Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. And He said to them, 'Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.' Immediately they left their nets and followed Him." 

Matthew 4:18-20

I've heard people say that these men already knew Jesus, and had seen enough of him to trust when he said "Follow Me," but even then it seems like a bold move. Immediately they dropped everything they had to follow him. It makes me wonder: what did they see in Jesus that was so appealing? Perhaps it was charm, or good looks (although I've heard the Bible says he wasn't particularly good looking). Maybe he was witty, and knew how to make people laugh. Or maybe it was the light of God, shining so bright within him that the men were nearly mesmerized. I can't say exactly what it was, but I imagine that at the very least, they knew he was different, just by looking at him. 

It's so frustrating to be a Christian sometimes. I can hardly bring myself to make eye contact with others, let alone tell them about Jesus. I want others to look at me and just know something is different. I want them to be drawn to me, the way the disciples were drawn to Jesus. I want a chance to tell them about the hope I have in Christ, as Peter tells us to do in 1 Peter 3:15. Perhaps it is an American thing. Or maybe it's just because I'm shy. Whatever the case, I am praying God will show me the way and teach me to be open. Along the way I will have to trust Him to shine through me, because that isn't something I can force. And I know He will, because it's all for His glory!

Only the Beginning!

Me Without You by TobyMac


Two years ago, my life was forever changed. It feels so strange to think how different things were not-so long ago. 


A couple of days ago I woke up with this overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Part of it was due to the fact that the TobyMac song, Me Without You, had been stuck in my head all night long. The song talks about what life would be like if God had never come into the artist's life. I heard it on the radio the day before, and the idea stuck with me. With August right around the corner, I can't help but think about it -- what if I'd never come to know Jesus that late summer's day?


Two years ago, I was wandering through the valley of the shadow of death. At the time, there were only five people on the plant who actually knew anything about my life (and they didn't even know much). I was terrified at the thought of telling anyone else. I sat, hopeless, at the edge of a web of lies, wishing I could only jump off the edge and into God's grace. Then it had seemed as if Satan would hold me there forever. But now I stand as a forgiven woman. 


And if God hadn't touched my life then, I'd be doing just as the song says: my life would be all about me. I'd listen to my own voice (or worse, to Satan's voice), rather than to God's. Even the lightest breeze would blow me away, sending me further and further from God's hands. It's hard enough to believe that there was ever a time when I didn't know God. I was such a different person then, and now, only two years later, I'm still in the beginning stages. Our love story has only just begun, and He has only just started to change my heart. Two years ago, I was cold, angry, selfish, and uncaring. I still tend to be all of those things, from time to time, but God has melted my heart.

It's true, what the song says: He rescued me, and remade me; now I am His and He is mine! Though I was once so far, the upbeat tempo of this song reminds me of the joy that I have in Christ! Though the world seems bleak and broken, He is with me. Though the pressure to do everything right weighs down on my shoulders, He frees me. Though the past still sometimes haunts me, He reminds me: I am His. My life has been changed by God's love and mercy. Oh, what a beautiful day this is, only because of Him! It still feels strange to think that I was ever without Him; that there was ever a time in which I did not know Him as intimately as I do now. But you know what the best part is? This is only the beginning.

Fearfully and Wonderfully

I've been looking at myself in the mirror a lot lately. Sound strange? Just wait. See, I'm trying to get used to what I look like. Still strange? Keep listening. When I was little I used to glance in mirrors with confusion -- 'Who is that blonde girl with glasses?' I thought to myself each time. It's been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember to be completely different from who I actually am. If only my hair were darker, or I didn't have glasses, or I was taller or thinner (I've struggled with anorexia since seventh grade).... The list goes on and on. There's always got to be something else I can do to become satisfied with who I am. And it wasn't always just looks.

I was a very shy kid. When we were little, my sister and I would play in the front yard together and she'd say hi to every car that drove by and every person who walked past. It was bothersome to me that she was so willing to talk to people. As we got older, I tried to break out of that shell. I'd compromise my standards in order to be considered cooler -- swearing and dirty jokes began to fall from my lips with ease. Only recently have I begun to attempt to rediscover who I truly am, and to learn to accept that.

But lately I've been working on accepting my physical appearance as well. My battle against anorexia has been easier than most, but there's still a general hatred within me whenever I look at myself in the mirror. I still want to have darker hair and be taller and thinner (the glasses are gone, but that's another story entirely!). I want to have straighter, whiter teeth and more feminine feet and again the list continues.  It's easy to see other women as beautiful -- I'm not biased when I look at them. But when looking at myself I see nothing ideal. So here I sit, staring in the mirror, learning to reaffirm myself. Learning to see something beautiful. Learning to see God's hand, not just within my heart, but upon my body. He sculpted my cheeks, shaped each tooth with care. He pulled each little toe until it was just the right length. He created all the curves of my body, and the dip in the bridge of my nose with His tender fingertips. And He did the same for you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139

You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

 You know when I sit and when I rise; 

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways. 

 Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely. 

 You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 

    too lofty for me to attain.

 Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 even there your hand will guide me, 

    your right hand will hold me fast.

 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

 even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

 For you created my inmost being; 

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful, 

    I know that full well.

 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! 

    How vast is the sum of them!

 Were I to count them, 

    they would outnumber the grains of sand —

    when I awake, I am still with you.

 If only you, God, would slay the wicked! 

    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! 

 They speak of you with evil intent;

    your adversaries misuse your name. 

 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,

    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

 I have nothing but hatred for them;

    I count them my enemies. 

 Search me, God, and know my heart; 

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

I Am So That I May Love

In their book, Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge mention that women have a way of comforting that men do not. Their example: a child gets a cut, and the dad replies, "Cool wound!" On the other hand, a mother likely would pull the child close, kiss the owie, and make it all better. 

A few days ago, I was at my parent's house, helping to take care of my sister's four children. From dawn til dusk we did all we could to keep the kids entertained. It was exhausting, but I was surprised to still enjoy it. There always seems to be that one moment in which I remember how much I love kids. 90% of the time, kids are a pain in the butt -- adorable pains, but pains nonetheless! However, the night before I was scheduled to leave, one of my nephews came up the stairs looking particularly distressed. I asked him what was wrong; he ignored me.


I sighed, and followed him up the stairs, asking again, and again he ignored me. His face fell to the couch, and there he lay, his freckled button nose smooshed up against the brown seat. I convinced him to sit up beside me, and he rested his head on me. I cuddled him, and asked once more, "What's wrong?" His round, little eyes were wet and red, and he sniffled as he poured his sweet soul out to me. I held him, made him laugh, and comforted him as best I could. And in that moment, I understood love. His tender heart was aching, and so was mine.


It is these moments, when I connect to a child, that I remember what it's all about. Suddenly the world feels a whole lot smaller, and my purpose seems clear: I am so that I may love. Even if I couldn't provide any real comfort to my nephew, he knew that I loved and cared for him. God will do the rest.

Ministry is hard.

I've learned something about ministry these last couple weeks: it's hard.


I'm doing an internship with my church in children's ministry this summer, and it's so much more difficult than I'd imagined. I figured I'd spend all week daydreaming about fun crafts and games, and then on Sundays I'd spend all morning hanging out with kids and watching their wonderful little eyes light up as they hear the Gospel. Instead, I'm sitting in my bedroom, typing up lists, calling people, and planning like crazy. Now you're probably thinking that I'm ridiculous, because those things are beyond easy. I will admit that I quite enjoy lists and planning. Calling, however, I do not.



The most difficult part of this ministry internship is, for me, having to actually talk to people. I know that sounds lame, but I'm so naturally introverted. When I'm told to give someone a call, I think, 'Sure, easy as pie,' but when the moment comes to actually call them, my heart begins racing and my palms sweat.... And I thought to myself for a moment, 'This isn't what I was looking forward to when I signed up for ministry,' but it's occurred to me that there ARE things in ministry, or in any job, that we aren't going to like and that won't be easy for us to accomplish. And we still have to do them, not to accomplish anything for ourselves, but for God.


For a short while, I've been so disappointed with my minuscule ministry experience, because I honestly thought it'd be more on the fun and games side than the phone calls and planning side. However, God is growing me in ways that I didn't expect and that I don't yet understand. 


I'm so glad that He knows us better than we know ourselves, and that He fulfills needs we don't even know we have yet! He is so faithful, even when we don't realize that our hearts are walking away. Thank God that He was pulling me back, even as I rebelled against my duties, and that He forgave me even as I thought myself justified.


Well, gotta go make some phone calls!

A Beautiful Thought, An Unexpected Adventure

My friend, Amanda, is graduating in less than two weeks. She'll leave school, get married, and begin experiencing ministry as a young, married, college graduate. As a good friend, she left me some of her old textbooks, one of which is titled The Unexpected Adventure. It caught my eye as I was working on packing for summer, so I stopped, sat down on my floor, and cracked open this book. Lee Strobel, co-author of this book and famous atheist-turned-Christian, writes about this adventure in the introduction. He describes how this lifestyle turns the dull Christian life in to an action-packed wild ride. He describes the improvement in Bible study, prayer, worship and dependence upon God as the amplified details of this kind of life. 


At Bible college, we like to think that we know how to be spiritual. We read our Bibles all the time for assignments, and we study how to live a Christian life. This gets to be a general description of Christianity. We go to church, read our Bibles for personal devotional purposes, and interact with other Christians, all to say that we're in good standing with God. This is probably true. We probably are in good standing with God, and He probably isn't going to condemn us for this lifestyle. However, we are selfish. 


We read the Bible for us. We pray for us. We worship to experience God for us. We depend on God to fulfill our own needs. And that is all fine. But that's not what it's all about.


I haven't had much experience in witnessing, and to be honest I'm terrified of the idea. I feel unprepared and inadequate. The Bible says to be ready at all times to give an answer for the hope we have in us. But how will we know that we're ready? By living this unexpected adventure.


Strobel talks about living life as usual, but knowing that any moment could turn into an adventure. Any day can start out boring and end out mind-blowing. Our spiritual lives are meant to be rich, not just for our sake, but for the sake of those who desire that hope we have in us. We are meant to draw near to God so that we can have plenty to share with those who need Him as well. What a beautiful thought. What an unexpected adventure. Praise God for desiring to take us on this ride. Are you ready to go?

Dancing With Jesus: It's Never Too Late

"I see you dancing with Jesus."


Those words echoed in my head for so long, even so many years later when I thought I'd forgotten. When I was eleven, a group of people said that they saw me dancing with Jesus. Then, as puberty hit and I grew up, I feared that those words would never be true. I met Jesus long ago, but left Him in my foolish pride. I thought I knew better than He did. One day, when mourning the person I'd become, I recalled those words. "I see you dancing with Jesus." The tears flowed. It was too late. Jesus would never dare commune with such a sinner.


After my baptism, I realized just how true those words are. Despite all I've done, and the fact that I am a terribly awkward dancer, I am indeed dancing with Jesus. Each day of my life, I wake up to the sweetest love ever known. My heart is filled with a joy beyond understanding, one that overflows even when I'm unhappy. I imagine myself as a little child again, and I'm standing on Jesus' feet as He twirls me around and around and around. And I don't get dizzy. Nothing is able to distract my attention from His perfect eyes. It wasn't too late.


"Jesus could never forgive me."


Those words also have echoed in my head. We were about to eat Thanksgiving dinner with another family, and I had been asked to pray. I awkwardly squeezed the words out (I wasn't exactly a Christian then), and afterwards the father of the family we were eating with said that he could never pray because Jesus could never forgive him for the things he'd done. I only listened with a saddened heart, knowing that surely somehow God could forgive him, but found no encouraging words to say.


I wish with all my heart that I'd said something to him. This is my heart's deepest desire: that all who feel God could never, ever forgive them would know that He already has! As long as your heart beats, it's never too late to turn back. My prayer is that next time, I find the words. It's never too late to dance with Jesus.

A Lesson Learned (The Hard Way)

It's true that you can't serve both God and money (see Matthew 6:23-25 and Luke 16:12-14). God has forced this idea upon me in the last few months.

Last month I was graciously approached by my best friend's family, who wanted to help me pay for school each month. This month, my payment was late and I didn't know what to do. I discovered I also owed money to Sallie Mae, a loan company, and that payment was late as well. My bank account only had $11.88. I owed over $300. 

My heart began to doubt God's ability to provide for me. It had always seemed as if simply telling people "Yeah, I just need to trust God," and then ignoring the problem would be close enough to actually trusting God. The situation was impossible. How could I trust God to let me provide for myself if He wouldn't even give me a job? My mindset couldn't have been more skewed. God pushed me and pushed me until I was hanging from the edge, so that He could be my only hope. After crying, I decided to pray. My conclusion was that, rather than dwelling in worry, I would release it to God, and pray some more. Later that day we sang the song "Let Me Feel You Shine" by David Crowder Band, and a few of the lyrics really hit me:

If I could feel You shine Your perpetual light, then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight. If I could feel You shine, oh, let me feel You shine. So beautiful and warm; so beautiful and bright. Like a sun coming out of a rainy sky. Oh, let me feel You shine, oh, let me feel You shine. I lift the knife to the thing I love most, praying You'll come so I can have both. What I need is for You to touch me. What I need is for You to be the thing that I need.

Yesterday I received a letter from the business office. I thought it was going to be a reprimand, as my monthly payment was late. To my extreme surprise, the letter said someone had anonymously applied $180 to my account. Later that day a family from my church wrote a check that (in conjunction with the anonymous payment) covered the rest of my bill for this school year! In addition, my best friend's family sent a check, which I received this morning, that will cover the loan money I needed to pay.

It's so ridiculous the way that God provides. I understand now that He wasn't abandoning me, but rather pulling me closer to Himself. Through this experience I've learned a taste of what it's like to trust God, and to see Him come through, even though I had to learn it the hard way! I wanted to share this experience with you because what our God does is pretty amazing. I am set for the rest of this school year (which was my goal), and I know that God will provide. He doesn't need me to be in charge. I need Him to be in charge!

Let Me Feel You Shine (Acoustic) by David Crowder

I Am Free!

This morning we had chapel (like a mini church service during the week!), but rather than a speaker coming to give a message after a short worship session, the school's singing group played worship the entire period. It was great, to say the least! Though sermons are always a great way for God to speak to His people, I also appreciate worship. It's such a personal way to encounter God. I've heard a few students complain that they only come to chapel for the message (and because it's required), because worship just isn't their thing. That breaks my heart. Though I don't always 'get' something out of worship, it's usually very special.

Today as we sang songs, I was reminded of the church I went to before moving for school. My mom started taking my siblings and I to Elevation when I was about thirteen years-old. It all started with "two families, and a dog named Carson," and grew and grew and grew! It's still only been six years since they began, but they've come a long way! I continue to miss the people from my church, even though I didn't always like going.

Being thirteen is rough. I remember sitting in church at Elevation (which was then held in a movie theater), and thinking about how boring it was, and how I never understood what was going on. As I grew older, I wandered further and further from God, though I hadn't been very close to Him to begin with. My life was just that: MY life. And no one, especially some far-off deity, could tell me how to live it. At the same time, my heart was breaking. I knew I was far from God, and even though I supposedly 'didn't care,' it bothered me. As I sinned, I cursed God for making me feel guilty about it.

It may seem as if I'm simply rambling, but there really is a point here. This morning as I worshiped my God, wholeheartedly, I remembered when I would stand in church every week as a teenager, sobbing. As I walked away from God, my heart cried out to Him. I would stand in a crowd of people, so very broken, and at the time I didn't even know why I was crying. This happened for months. After two years of blatantly disobeying God, I realized what my heart was saying. I missed Him. Though I'd never truly known God, I still missed Him. The depths of my soul hungered to know Him; to know what it was like to be free from the bondage of sin.

Today, God reminded me of who I am. My heart, my soul, and my body belong to Christ Jesus! Tears filled my eyes as I worshiped God with pure joy. Through Him alone I am free. I no longer need to mourn for what could have been, because I can rejoice for what IS! I am free to run, free to dance, and free to live for HIM!

Community

As Americans we're extremely individualistic, and I myself have always resolved to rely upon no one else. In fact, if I began to lean on anyone, even for just emotional support, I felt guilty. I had this mindset that I was betraying God if I trusted anyone else, and that He would feel abandoned because I wasn't putting 100% of my trust in Him; 10% was in Suzie, and 5% was in Timmy, and that only left 85% for Jesus. When I did the math, those percentages added up to sin. I decided to isolate myself completely, and refused to let anyone in. This, of course, had consequences on every relationship I had, and especially on the one I had with God.

God can speak to us through sources that we'd never imagined. Heck. God talked to Balaam through his donkey. As a fairly new Christian, I had no knowledge about God or about the way I was supposed to relate to Him (or to other people). Without the support of other Christians who I had blocked off from my heart, I was suffering. Though I tried to convince myself that I didn't need them, my heart knew better. I spent a year after becoming a Christian without any true support because I was constantly pushing others away. I began attending Boise Bible College with the mindset that I wouldn't have any close friends. I thought that was how life should be.

Within the first few weeks, one of my professors gave us a lesson about community. He read from Genesis:

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Though these verses speak about a man and a woman, he applied the concept to the idea of community in general. The words, "it is not good for man to be alone," echoed through to my concrete heart. The idea of being emotionally naked, hearts stripped bare, was frightening to me. It was also freeing. Once again the Gospel of Jesus has set me free!

God has given me the best community a person could ever ask for. I am so grateful for the people around me. This semester God seems to be really drilling in the idea of community. He has proposed opportunities for me to become closer to people and my heart aches sweetly when I think of the wonderful experiences I've had thus far. I hope that I can continue to become closer to those around me, in order to love them the way God has loved me. Praise Him for His faithfulness: 19 years of wandering in the desert, and at last I am home!

Jehovah Jireh!

These two words are equivalent to hope, in its purest form, and I can say that our God is indeed a God Who provides. Through the pain and the struggle of trusting Him to provide for my deficits, He has been faithful. I've doubted and my frustration has clearly shown in the way I approach my relationship with God. Because of the fear that He wouldn't provide, I tended to avoid Him at times, and it's been difficult to keep from filling with anger.

But the great thing about our God is that He keeps no record of wrongs. I was hurting, and cried out to Him, and He heard me. In the same respect, He never ceases to humble me. I came to Him on bended knee and He showed me love and peace. After a few days of constant prayer, God provided! My best friend's parents have asked to bless me with a little money each month to pay for the remainder of my school bill this semester. If not for the fact that God had completely humbled me just days before, I would have said no. But He set my pride aside and gave me exactly what I needed: not money, but faith.

I would like to praise God and thank my friend's family, who has always shown me more love than I deserved. I hope to be able to bless you someday as you have blessed me. Also, thank you to those who have been praying for me and who have been such great emotional support. I love you all!

JEHOVAH JIREH!

A Prayer

In the fall I moved to a new city in a new state to attend Bible college with people I didn't know. The transition was easier than you might think, but things are starting to become tense. See, when I left my parent's house I quit both my jobs and simply left, hoping that I could trust God to provide a new one soon. But my faith is waning.

It feels as if the job market here is so completely impossible. It's coming down to pure desperation, with twelve days until my next payment is due for school, and I don't know what to do. There isn't enough money in the bank, and my heart is being torn apart by the stress. Esther, the little girl I sponsor in Rwanda, Africa, is counting on me to provide for her. The school is expecting me to make the payment I promised to make. My parents trust me to be wise and independent, and as an adult, to provide for myself. How could I let them down?

There are so many wonderful things I'm learning here, and so many wonderful people providing a kind of support that was foreign to me before moving here. This is my life now. And it seems to be crumbling. Each time the thought comes to mind, tears fill my eyes and worry fills my heart. I can't listen to anyone or provide any consolation for their problems or share in their joys. I can't focus on my homework or stay calm long enough to pray. Destruction reigns.

Lord, so many people here are looking for jobs. We all need You to provide, to swoop in and save the day. We placed our trust in Your hands yet we sit here empty and waiting. Protect us from the snares of the enemy who desires to belittle our faith and crush our dreams. Be with us all and please provide, God. Oh, please provide.