This One Wild and Precious Life

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

I love this last half of Mary Oliver's poem, The Summer Day. Though I don't read much poetry anymore, this came to my mind yesterday when I was having a very raw and emotional moment. Looking back, it sort of felt as if God was asking me to be still during a time of tumultuous emotion. It seemed He wanted me to remember that, despite the way things were going at the time.

There are times when you've done all you can to mend a relationship or right a wrong. No matter how much pain the situation may bring, and no matter how badly you want a quick fix, you must remember what your purpose is. Who do you live your life for? What IS it that you plan to do with your one wild and oh-so precious life? 

I think that's the question we all want the answer to. We want to know what's going to come of this interview or that quarrel. We want to know what profession we ought to go into, and who we are going to marry. But what matters is what we do with this life -- no, not how much money we make, but Who we worship. Shall we waste time worrying about the future, or shall we make the most of today, and honor the God who deserves our prayers and our praise?

Itching to Run

This evening I was 'stalking' an old acquaintance on Facebook, looking through her pictures and seeing where her life has gone. There was nothing negative to see; it was a life filled with joy and happiness. I've actually been doing that a lot lately. Looking back and catching up on old friends by thoroughly perusing their Facebook profiles. I long to reconnect, but I don't know how. It makes me long for a chance to do so in the future. It makes me long for a life that feels more worthwhile than going to school. 

Perhaps this is simply a reaction to the past few weeks of overwhelming schoolwork, but I'm tired of being a student. I want to be finished and move on with my life. I want to be a wife and do ministry, and maybe even become a mom someday. I want to make some kind of difference, and I'm tired of sitting. I am itching to run; to take everything I have and give it away. School has become a shackle around my ankles and my wrists. It feels as if I can hardly walk, let alone run. I am confined to this place of in-between and not-yet. Why can't I run?

I find it hard to be patient in this period of my life. I want to move forward, to reconnect, to do SOMETHING! All this schoolwork can feel so pointless, and I just want to move. I am itching to run, and sitting still is killing me. But perhaps that's what God wants: for me to sit still, to recognize Him in my itching before running off without asking Him to come along for the ride. All I can do is wait for His timing, and until it comes, that is what I'll do.