I have been reading the [fictional, but very realistic] story of a slave girl named Hadassah. As a fifteen year-old Christian in the first century Roman Empire, she watches her entire family die and is then torn from her home in Jerusalem and starts on her journey to becoming enslaved to a wealthy family in Rome. Weak in her faith, Hadassah learns to serve the selfish, prideful Julia as her personal maidservant. Hadassah grows to sincerely love Julia and her family, and is a witness of God's glory over the ten years of service and suffering. Though she is young and weak in the beginning, Hadassah has become a symbol of faith to me. She faces things that I could never imagine and literally worships God in the face of death.
I am ashamed at my lack of genuine faith. I wish I were more influenced by Christ than I am by Christianity. I wish I could see and feel God in the world around me. Instead I see pain, destruction, and death, as men and women choose their own desires rather than walking in God's will. I question whether or not I am a light to these people, the walking dead, or if instead I just blend in. I wish I were making a difference in the world, but at the same time I long to just survive. Before turning to Christ, I was quiet and shy; I longed to stay under the radar. Now my biggest struggle is fighting that desire to hide Christ's light under a lamp. I am discontent with the way I live my life, yet I feel unable to change. If only I had the faith of Hadassah, though she isn't even real. I long to glorify God in my life, but it feels so hard to do here. So I wait on Him, hoping for a clear chance. This is my current torment. I hope I have a resolution to share soon.
