Last month I was graciously approached by my best friend's family, who wanted to help me pay for school each month. This month, my payment was late and I didn't know what to do. I discovered I also owed money to Sallie Mae, a loan company, and that payment was late as well. My bank account only had $11.88. I owed over $300.
My heart began to doubt God's ability to provide for me. It had always seemed as if simply telling people "Yeah, I just need to trust God," and then ignoring the problem would be close enough to actually trusting God. The situation was impossible. How could I trust God to let me provide for myself if He wouldn't even give me a job? My mindset couldn't have been more skewed. God pushed me and pushed me until I was hanging from the edge, so that He could be my only hope. After crying, I decided to pray. My conclusion was that, rather than dwelling in worry, I would release it to God, and pray some more. Later that day we sang the song "Let Me Feel You Shine" by David Crowder Band, and a few of the lyrics really hit me:
If I could feel You shine Your perpetual light, then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight. If I could feel You shine, oh, let me feel You shine. So beautiful and warm; so beautiful and bright. Like a sun coming out of a rainy sky. Oh, let me feel You shine, oh, let me feel You shine. I lift the knife to the thing I love most, praying You'll come so I can have both. What I need is for You to touch me. What I need is for You to be the thing that I need.
Yesterday I received a letter from the business office. I thought it was going to be a reprimand, as my monthly payment was late. To my extreme surprise, the letter said someone had anonymously applied $180 to my account. Later that day a family from my church wrote a check that (in conjunction with the anonymous payment) covered the rest of my bill for this school year! In addition, my best friend's family sent a check, which I received this morning, that will cover the loan money I needed to pay.
It's so ridiculous the way that God provides. I understand now that He wasn't abandoning me, but rather pulling me closer to Himself. Through this experience I've learned a taste of what it's like to trust God, and to see Him come through, even though I had to learn it the hard way! I wanted to share this experience with you because what our God does is pretty amazing. I am set for the rest of this school year (which was my goal), and I know that God will provide. He doesn't need me to be in charge. I need Him to be in charge!
I know exactly what you mean, Kelsey! God is so much bigger than we give Him credit for.. and we are always so overwhelmed and blown away when He provides. He has blessed me financially this year as well, and it has been after a huge struggle of actually letting Him take care of me.. I would stress and stress and worry so much before I finally gave it to God in surrender.. I don't think we will every fully understand God's love and power. But it's pretty amazing.
ReplyDelete