Nobody Asked You

In this age of modern technology and high connectivity, it's easy to lose sight of what is right in the sea of what is acceptable. We believe that because we have the right to something, that means we ought to do so as often as possible. However, the right to freedom of speech doesn't necessarily mean that we ought to do as we please. 

Earlier this week, my friend asked me for advice about how to respond to a public announcement that a mutual friend of ours had made. My friend was concerned about how others might perceive her response, as well as what would be the right thing to do. She didn't necessarily approve of what our mutual friend had posted and felt that she couldn't ignore it, but she also didn't want to alienate this person or upset them. I thought for a moment about her dilemma, and responded, "Well, nobody really asked you." Now, I didn't mean this in a rude way. Of course, her opinion matters very much to me as we are close friends, but in reality, our mutual friend did not ask anyone what they thought of the announcement. Instead, they bravely and honestly put out to the public what they were going through and chose to accept whatever came of that decision.

The reason I'm bringing this up is in response to several articles I read this morning. I was perusing Facebook and saw a link that I originally scrolled past, but ended up returning to out of curiosity. I am not usually very up-to-date on current events and happenings, but I had heard a few things and wanted to know what was going on. In the end, I wound up reading several articles on the topic and was surprised at how much everyone had to say. As I'm sure many of you know, a website called Ashley Madison, which helped to facilitate extramarital affairs for a fee, was recently hacked, allowing anyone to search an email address to see if that email had ever created an account. Many have been shocked at these discoveries, including famous Christian men like Josh Duggar and Sam Rader. I was extremely interested in what everyone had to say [and everyone seemed to have something to say]. Clearly, this revelation has had a very serious affect on MANY people, and even more people are shocked and disgusted at these Christian's actions. However, nobody asked them.

It's such a temptation to post anything and everything that we think or feel and, ironically, I am joining in on this in a way, but is it necessary? Are we posting because it's so important for the world to know what we think, or are we posting because we want so badly to be heard? More often than not, I think the answer is the latter.

Though we have such high connectivity these days, we have very little sense of community. We post things on Facebook because we want to be affirmed, to receive instant gratification, or to be vindicated, even when what we post is hurtful to someone. We choose not to consider how the man who struggled with pornography for twenty years or the woman who had an affair early in her marriage may feel, and post our judgments anyway. We do it because it is nearly anonymous, rarely has any real backlash, and because we can. But nobody asked us.

So many people are horrified at the thought that Anna Duggar might even consider staying with Josh, or that Nia Rader may forgive Sam for what he had done in the past, but nobody asked you. When it comes to the personal lives and relationships of individuals, it is none of our business, no matter how famous they may be. When a distant acquaintance on your Facebook posts about their divorce or comes 'out of the closet,' they are not inviting your three-paragraph judgment. 

In relation to the Church, this is especially important. We are not called to condemn or judge, but to uplift and encourage. Though we have every right to speak our mind, it doesn't mean that we need to. It is so important just to consider the affect you will have on other human beings before posting something publicly because, let's face it, nobody asked you.

The Freedom to Worship

The purpose of worship can get a little confusing. Life has a habit of distracting us from our goals and refocusing isn't always an easy task. Personally, I have been distracted by a depression that attempted to overtake my soul. I have no reason to complain, but I do see the reality of what 2014 has been for me. The months have been filled with struggle, so connecting with God has been far from easy, especially in worship. There were a few shining moments of intimacy with my Lord, but for the most part I dread attending worship or talking about anything spiritual.

The last couple weeks I've been trying to dedicate myself to sincere worship, but I've also had a case of the "why bothers" when it comes to musical worship. This Sunday was no exception; I sang along distractedly, longing just to sit back down and zone out. A lyric broke through my fog: "You're the reason we sing." It was exceptional -- God is the reason we sing. It seems simple, but it shocked me. I'm not here to look or sound like I'm worshiping well; I'm not here to impress with my ability to focus on the music; I'm not even here to feel good or get something out of the experience. I worship for the express purpose of worshiping God.

It is so beautifully freeing to realize that worship is not for impressing or pleasing anyone except God, and that's something we take for granted in America. We are so free to worship God that we essentially bind ourselves up; we become caught up in trivial things like who is watching and what they're thinking that we don't allow ourselves to worship wholeheartedly. You and I must allow ourselves and others to be comfortable in praising our Creator. We must not judge or label, and we especially cannot hold back. 

It may be as simple as clapping along or choosing to pray instead of sing, or as exuberant as dancing with joy! We may choose to worship one way at home in the 'prayer closet' and another in public, but no matter what we ought to always give our all to God in worship. Why? Because He alone is the reason we sing.

A Single Shovelful

One day a man was walking with his donkey when they happened upon an empty well, many feet deep. The donkey fell into the bottom of the well, but the man, distressed as he was, could do nothing. The donkey brayed and cried for help, but he had no way to help his beloved donkey out of the well. Tears streaming down the man's face, he slowly began shoveling dirt into the well to put the donkey out of his misery. Eventually the donkey's cries ended, and the deed was done. The man was brokenhearted. He was then surprised to feel a soft nudge against his back. He turned and there was his donkey! He realized that, little by little, the donkey had climbed his way out of the well as the man had poured dirt in. With shovelful, the donkey took a step until it could climb out on its own. The man rejoiced and hugged his donkey around its neck.

A friend shared this story with me after we had long talked of depression and suicide. It's so heartbreaking to think that someone's heart can be so utterly empty that they feel unable to cope, but it happens all too often. I have been at the bottom of that pit, and it is a place of desperation. There have been times when all I wanted was a bit of hope and I found none. Instead, my heart and soul cried out as the donkey did. I had no way to pull myself out. Many have been in that place and taken their own lives because of this realization that there is nothing they can do. 

I like to think that is when God sends in reinforcements -- shovelfuls of dirt. Or, in my opinion, doses of hope (see here). When we are at the bottom of the well, it is harder to see the help. It often looks like little more than dirt. Somehow, God is able to use those little bits, and even the smallest hope can keep us from staying where we're at.

The Little Things Are Often the Biggest

When we are in the thick of hard times, our vision is so easily clouded. Getting out (or just staying afloat) requires a focus on what really matters: 

Remember those who care and desire to help, even when their help isn't perfect. 

Spend time around people who will lift you up. 

Read the Psalms, a book of honest struggle from people who were just as human as we are. 

Pray. Pray. Pray. I personally find that it is so difficult to talk to God when I am struggling, but He is the one who knows the depths of my heart better than anyone else could. 

Be thankful for what you have, even when it doesn't seem like much. 

Tell someone that you are struggling. I beg you not to suffer alone. See a counselor and ask a friend for help. It's probably the hardest part of dealing with depression, but it is so important.

Never Give Up

I know how it feels to want the pain to just stop. I have been so low that when I have a spare moment to sit by myself, I close my eyes and soak in the silence and wish that I could simply stop existing. Satan is so skilled in his ability to wear us down that it is not unbelievable that a person would take their own life because of his whisperings. His voice becomes like a built-in speakerphone within our minds; it feels like it's on 24/7, never ceasing. 

On the other hand, we have a God who is also never ceasing. His power is greater, his love is stronger, and his words are truer, and he can give us that one little shovelful that we need, that one dose of hope. There will be times when we are overflowing and times when we are consistently at the bottom with that one last bit. I urge you to press on, however hard it may be. It isn't over yet.