Two years ago I felt God pulling on my heart. It was an ache, deeper than anything else I've ever known; a realization that God desired me. It was more than I could say no to. Not because I thought life would be easy if I said yes, nor because saying yes would make me better than everyone else. In fact, life only gets harder when you say yes, and I'm no better a person now than I was then. However, saying yes changed my life in ways I couldn't have imagined.
At the end of a letter I wrote to my loved ones confessing all I'd done, I said that I felt God calling me to something. Now, looking back on the last two years, I stand amazed (actually, it's so shocking that I have to sit). God told me He had more for me, and I had dreamed about becoming a writer, just like I've always wanted. Instead, God gently let me down, giving me a new purpose. A life of ministry is different than I'd expected, but it's God's plan for me, and I simply cannot believe it. A sinner like me? In ministry?
It's true that God has a plan for us, but I'm convinced that He does more. God has a life beyond anything we can imagine, just waiting for us to say yes. He shows it little by little, step by step, and we sit in awe as each page unfolds. I'm sure that God dreams even bigger than we do! And while I enjoy and struggle and live, I will also wait for Him to turn the next page, knowing that the end of the story will find me home with my King.
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