This evening I was 'stalking' an old acquaintance on Facebook, looking through her pictures and seeing where her life has gone. There was nothing negative to see; it was a life filled with joy and happiness. I've actually been doing that a lot lately. Looking back and catching up on old friends by thoroughly perusing their Facebook profiles. I long to reconnect, but I don't know how. It makes me long for a chance to do so in the future. It makes me long for a life that feels more worthwhile than going to school.
Perhaps this is simply a reaction to the past few weeks of overwhelming schoolwork, but I'm tired of being a student. I want to be finished and move on with my life. I want to be a wife and do ministry, and maybe even become a mom someday. I want to make some kind of difference, and I'm tired of sitting. I am itching to run; to take everything I have and give it away. School has become a shackle around my ankles and my wrists. It feels as if I can hardly walk, let alone run. I am confined to this place of in-between and not-yet. Why can't I run?
I find it hard to be patient in this period of my life. I want to move forward, to reconnect, to do SOMETHING! All this schoolwork can feel so pointless, and I just want to move. I am itching to run, and sitting still is killing me. But perhaps that's what God wants: for me to sit still, to recognize Him in my itching before running off without asking Him to come along for the ride. All I can do is wait for His timing, and until it comes, that is what I'll do.
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