Nobody Asked You

In this age of modern technology and high connectivity, it's easy to lose sight of what is right in the sea of what is acceptable. We believe that because we have the right to something, that means we ought to do so as often as possible. However, the right to freedom of speech doesn't necessarily mean that we ought to do as we please. 

Earlier this week, my friend asked me for advice about how to respond to a public announcement that a mutual friend of ours had made. My friend was concerned about how others might perceive her response, as well as what would be the right thing to do. She didn't necessarily approve of what our mutual friend had posted and felt that she couldn't ignore it, but she also didn't want to alienate this person or upset them. I thought for a moment about her dilemma, and responded, "Well, nobody really asked you." Now, I didn't mean this in a rude way. Of course, her opinion matters very much to me as we are close friends, but in reality, our mutual friend did not ask anyone what they thought of the announcement. Instead, they bravely and honestly put out to the public what they were going through and chose to accept whatever came of that decision.

The reason I'm bringing this up is in response to several articles I read this morning. I was perusing Facebook and saw a link that I originally scrolled past, but ended up returning to out of curiosity. I am not usually very up-to-date on current events and happenings, but I had heard a few things and wanted to know what was going on. In the end, I wound up reading several articles on the topic and was surprised at how much everyone had to say. As I'm sure many of you know, a website called Ashley Madison, which helped to facilitate extramarital affairs for a fee, was recently hacked, allowing anyone to search an email address to see if that email had ever created an account. Many have been shocked at these discoveries, including famous Christian men like Josh Duggar and Sam Rader. I was extremely interested in what everyone had to say [and everyone seemed to have something to say]. Clearly, this revelation has had a very serious affect on MANY people, and even more people are shocked and disgusted at these Christian's actions. However, nobody asked them.

It's such a temptation to post anything and everything that we think or feel and, ironically, I am joining in on this in a way, but is it necessary? Are we posting because it's so important for the world to know what we think, or are we posting because we want so badly to be heard? More often than not, I think the answer is the latter.

Though we have such high connectivity these days, we have very little sense of community. We post things on Facebook because we want to be affirmed, to receive instant gratification, or to be vindicated, even when what we post is hurtful to someone. We choose not to consider how the man who struggled with pornography for twenty years or the woman who had an affair early in her marriage may feel, and post our judgments anyway. We do it because it is nearly anonymous, rarely has any real backlash, and because we can. But nobody asked us.

So many people are horrified at the thought that Anna Duggar might even consider staying with Josh, or that Nia Rader may forgive Sam for what he had done in the past, but nobody asked you. When it comes to the personal lives and relationships of individuals, it is none of our business, no matter how famous they may be. When a distant acquaintance on your Facebook posts about their divorce or comes 'out of the closet,' they are not inviting your three-paragraph judgment. 

In relation to the Church, this is especially important. We are not called to condemn or judge, but to uplift and encourage. Though we have every right to speak our mind, it doesn't mean that we need to. It is so important just to consider the affect you will have on other human beings before posting something publicly because, let's face it, nobody asked you.